A Fork in the Road
by calmvisage
Summary: Hermione faces a fork in the road after receiving unexpected news


Hermione wasn't as much surprised as she was resigned. And hurt, she would admit, but only to herself. Ron looked at her with sad, pitying eyes which raised her hackles. She didn't need his pity and if he wasn't willing to make things work then neither was she.

"I understand, Ron. I understand exactly what you're feeling. I've felt it myself. You're off the hook." She tried not to wince at his visible sigh of relief.

"I still love you, 'Mione." She tried not to wince again - she had always hated that nickname. "It's just that… I want kids. Family is important to me, especially after… Fred…" He looked away from her.

"I know, Ron." She kept her voice soft but it didn't change the bile building up in her stomach.

"I am sorry, you know. I had our future planned out in my mind, since I came back to you guys in the forest. I told myself that if I could find my way back to you, it was meant to be. You and me, I mean." He looked sheepish. She didn't know what more to say so she just nodded. She was starting to get her mad on, deep down inside, that he made this plan about their life but no one asked her about her plans.

They were quiet for a few more minutes, listening to the ambient noises filtering through the door of the library at 12 Grimmauld Place. She stared at her cup of tea on the little end table in between two winged back chairs near the window that overlooked the garden. It was one of her favorite spots in the house. Ron reached over to pat her knee awkwardly and began to rise. Hermione snapped back to herself as he made steps toward the door.

"Ron?" He stopped, but didn't turn. "I'm sorry too." She stood and walked towards him. He turned slightly and she held out her hand to him. Ron stared down at her hand before plucking the small diamond ring from her palm. He nodded, tucking the ring into his pants pocket and left the library and his ex-fiance alone.

Hermione didn't want to see Harry's pitying eyes either, so she took advantage of the floo in the library. The anti apparation wards were still up in the house. She didn't exactly have a location in mind, as her apartment was not set up on the floo network. She ended up flooing to the lobby of St. Mungos before turning quickly down the hallway and out of the hospital. She wished to just walk anonymously and be in her own world for a little while. That was utterly impossible in Diagon Alley. She didn't exactly want to go home either, so she stepped into an alley and apparated to a little forest she and her father had been camping when she was younger. She transfigured her shoes into boots and began climbing the hiking trail that led to a small waterfall.

Life wasn't going the way she wanted. She was twenty five years old, the first Wards Mistress in nearly a hundred years, and up until recently, she had being engaged to Ron Weasley. He had proposed shortly after she went back to Hogwarts to complete her missed seventh year and take her NEWTS. She was exhausted after the war and might not have bothered to even take the exams but the Wards program she wanted to attend in America required them. She accepted Ron's proposal but asked for time to complete the two year apprenticeship. He had seemed relieved for the long engagement. She privately thought he wanted to sow his wild oats, especially after not doing well in the Auror program and joining the Canons quidditch team.

At twenty two, Hermione had received her mastery and moved back to Great Britain. Ron had met her at the international portkey arrival station at the Ministry and picked her up, swinging her around while she laughed. Things seemed to go right back to normal. After a few months, she brought up the topic of setting a date for their wedding. He was the one now to ask for time. His career was picking up and he was traveling a lot, always busy on press tours and in practice games. She agreed, glad that he had found a career that he was excelling at and passionate for.

Hermione took the time to track down her parents in Australia. After months and months of searching, she found them but was unable to reverse the memory charms on them. She stayed for a few weeks pretending to be a foreign exchange student just so she could get to know them and spend a bit of time with them. At the end she needed to leave before her heart broke completely. She came back Grimmauld Place and sobbed into Harry's shoulder as Ron was unavailable.

They didn't see each other very often but always tried to send notes via owl or through the enchanted galleons they both still had from their Dumbledore's Army days. Hermione threw herself into her work. She received many offers to join the staff of many prestigious employers, Hogwarts and Gringotts included, but she decided to become self employed and contracted her work out. She felt that choosing the assignments awarded her freedom she had lacked for so long during Voldemort's reign of terror.

Finally, at the age of twenty four, Ron sat her down and they began seriously discussing their future. As mandated by Ministry Law, every couple seeking to wed needed to undergo physical testing to ensure healthiness. It was during this testing that Hermione was hit with shattering news. She could not now, or ever, carry a baby to term. The torture and abuse she withstood during the War had damaged her body beyond repair. Hermione had taken the news stoicly at first, thinking that muggle medicine could afford her the chance to have a baby. She saw healer after healer, doctor after doctor. The news was the same every time. She could conceive but would always miscarry - her body could not support the growth of new life.

In fact, it was recommended that she have a complete sterilization. Muggle doctors wanted to do a hysterectomy. The potential for her to die while trying to grow a baby was too high for doctors to feel comfortable. Magic healers urged a sterilization potion that would permanently stop any conception. Before making any decisions, she talked with Ron. He was dumbfounded, silent and utterly unhelpful. Hermione ended up spilling her thoughts to Molly over tea one day. Molly was quiet before agreeing that the healers had her best interest in mind. Molly gave her a small sad smile before hugging her tight and letting her cry out her grief.

Months had gone by while Hermione fought to come to terms with her future. She never dreamed, exactly, of having children. But now that those cards were off the table, she felt empty and uncertain. Ron, uncertain that the healers were right and convinced that they could try and see what happens, was furious when she decided to take the sterilization potion. They didn't speak for weeks until she received a note from Harry asking her to come to Grimmauld Place. That was today. And so it was over.

Hermione churned over these thoughts as she climbed, making it to the top of the waterfall. She stared down and morosely thought it would be a good place for a suicidal person to jump. She calculated the odds that someone would die versus just being injured and shook her head, disgusted with her thoughts. She wasn't suicidal and she wasn't going to let this stop her from making her own way in life. She heard people coming up the trail and unwilling to deal with other people, she quickly apparated to her apartment.

Someone was knocking at her door. Hermione checked her wards and recognized Harry's magic. She dropped the wards and flicked her hand towards the door making it swing open harder than she meant to. She always seemed to forget that her wordless magic grew erratic when her emotions did. Harry looked at the dent the door knob put into the wall but entered the living room, jumping slightly when the door slammed shut again and the force of the wards washed over him.

"Hey Hermione." He stood at the edge of the sofa and looked down her lying lazily with a book resting on her stomach. She looked back and nodded in greeting. They were quiet for a few long moments before he took the seat diagonal to the sofa and propped his right foot onto his left knee.

"You seem better than I thought you'd be," Harry remarked.

"Thanks? How am I supposed to take that?" she scoffed.

"I was taking bets with myself if you were going to be crying and huddled in a corner or cleaning your apartment." He looked around the place and noticed it was spotless. "So you cleaned. Then what, collapsed in exhaustion?"

She was half offended that he expected to see her in such a lowly state. He had been with her through the worse parts in her life and when had she ever broken down, unable to function? That one time against the troll excluded. But the other half of her knew that he didn't mean it. He told her once when they were drunk that he thought of quitting his role in the War but her unwavering stoicism and stubbornness was what kept him going.

"Yes, I'm exhausted. It's been a long couple of days and I think I deserve a rest." She sniffed and placed a random bit of paper in the book to mark her place before setting it on the floor.

"You left without saying goodbye to me." She looked up at him sharply, hearing the hurt in his voice.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I just needed to get out of there."

He nodded and wiggled his foot. "Ron was wrong for you, you know. I was never exactly comfortable with you two ending up together."

Hermione huffed and sat up on the sofa. The soft blanket that had been resting on her hips fell to the floor. Her hair was a mess after falling asleep on the sofa with it still wet from her bath. She looked down and realized she had no bra on, her shirt was stained with a red wine spill, and the polish from her last pedicure was beyond repair.

"It's always clearer in hindsight. I don't know that I was actually comfortable ending up with him either. But he was what I knew."

Harry nodded and opened his mouth to say something before closing it. She waited. Usually she would badger him until he talked but she was so tired. After her little hiking expedition three days ago, she came home and cleaned her apartment. She reorganized her bookshelves, filed the paperwork on her desk in her office, contemplated cutting her hair, reorganized her bookshelves again, and finally crashed on the sofa with a mystery novel. She was also emotionally exhausted from being the one who always had to badger out what the boys were feeling. Apparently being a boy meant you didn't talk about your feelings.

"Did you ever think about me that way?" Harry asked quietly, not looking at her.

"Yes." she replied, without a thought. His eyes shot up to look at her face. "Don't give me that look, Potter. Every single girl and a few boys at Hogwarts thought of you that way. Especially after you got your hair cut in 5th year." He grinned sheepishly. She stood now, folding the throw blanket and putting it on the back of the sofa. Stretching her arms above her head, she groaned as her lower back adjusted.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" He watched her stretch, inhaling a bit when her yoga pants fell lower onto her hips and he was able to see a thin strip of her smooth stomach.

"Why would I have said anything? We were friends. You liked Cho and I knew there wasn't a future for us."

"Why do you say that?"

"What's with the questions, Harry? Of course there wasn't a future. I'm a mudblood," Harry scowled at this, "and you're the Chosen One. You are so far above me that it's a wonder we are still allowed to be friends."

"That's ridiculous, Hermione." He was getting angry now. She just shrugged and picked her novel off of the floor, placing it on an end table.

"Is it really? How long has the Prophet been running special articles on pureblood witches who would make the best Mrs. Potter?"

"You know I don't care about any of that!" He stood now and stalked towards her. "I've never cared. As far as I'm concerned, you and I are just the same. Muggles raised in a muggle world then thrown into a magic world we knew nothing about. Except you are about a hundred times smarter than me."

"Sorry to disappoint, but I'm not that smart. If I were, a lot of things in my life would be different."

"Hermione," he said, coming closer to her. His voice was quieter now and his eyes warm. She became suddenly aware of their proximity and had a brief moment of panic. Because he was watching her so closely, he saw the panic yet continued until his hand reached up to cup her jaw. "Your life is exactly as it should be. Except for one thing. Me."

Harry bent down slightly and kissed her lips softly. She stood still, unsure what to do. Obviously she had been kissed before but this was totally unexpected and she was frozen. His right hand moved to her neck and his left hand to her hips. She allowed herself a moment to feel, really feel, his lips on hers before she turned her head away and taking a step back.

"Harry," she whispered. "I... can't."

"I know Hermione. Things are too raw for you. But I've been waiting for years to be able to do that and I couldn't let another moment go by without you knowing." He looked down at her fondly, delighted by the flush in her cheeks.

"It was very unexpected, Harry. I had no idea." She moved away from him to stand by the window. "I don't know what to think about it."

"Don't think overmuch about it. I know you - you'll think it to death. Just remember this. We've been through the worst things any two people could go through and lived to talk about it. I have enough determination and stubbornness to take on anything you need. I won't abandon you and I don't care one bit about your fertility. I… I love you for you, Hermione."

Harry could tell she was at the end of her tether. His stomach still felt odd flutterings, but overall he felt immense relief at sharing his feelings. He crossed the room, smoothed down her curls and gave her a quick peck on the forehead.

"Think about it, Hermione. I don't need an answer now. I've waited for you for nearly seven years. I'll wait for you seventy more years if I have to, although I sincerely hope not."

As Harry strode out across the room and out the door, Hermione stood frozen, feeling his kiss on her lips and her forehead. Merlin, what had she gotten herself into?


End file.
